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This is a re-post from almost exactly a year ago that I happened to find this morning, and I can hardly believe we've come a full year and not too much has changed at our house!  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, as instilling the value of work seems to still be a struggle (for at least one of my kiddos. . . . and the jury is still out on the other two. . .) And by the way, since this post, I'm pretty sure we've managed to forget the tooth fairy completely at least three times. 🙂
My son came downstairs in tears this morning. Â (My eleven-year-old son.) His face was red, his eyes were bloodshot, and he'd been sobbing because the tooth fairy left him $2 . . . for two teeth.
But, the kid is eleven years old! (Did I mention that?)  I'm pretty sure he's figured out that we're the tooth fairy (although he refuses to ask, so we've chosen not to tell . . .)  Yet my stomach is sick this morning because I left my (*seriously penny-pinching*) hubby to play tooth fairy last night.  Had I taken on the job I probably would have given him more  . . . maybe $3 for two teeth?  (Especially since the tooth fairy forgot the night before?)  But my husband figures that since the tooth fairy brought him just $.25 thirty years ago, one WHOLE DOLLAR is big stuff.  (Not so much these days!)  And my son?  Well he's convinced that every single one of his friends in the whole wide world gets at least $2 per tooth. (And, for many of them, he's probably right.)
Here's my struggle: Â when I asked my son why he was so distraught, he said it was because he needed money. Â (He doesn't need it, but apparently it does feel cool these days!) Â Last week I offered him money for babysitting his sisters this summer while I work on the computer, and he made it through about two hours (and did a great job!) Â However, he then let me know that he'd prefer “a more fun job.” Â (I guess my job every day isn't all that exciting!)
In some ways I wonder if a strong work ethic and gratitude are inborn traits.  My middle child works. She naturally hops to it when asked, serves pretty willingly  (ummm… most of the time…), and rarely does she struggle with this whole gratitude thing.  (She is a little younger though!)  However my (usually very sweet!) boy just doesn't get it.  (Well, at least not today.)  Maybe it's because he's the oldest?  Or the only boy?  Or because we're raising a monster? 🙂
(Fast forward 3 years – pretty sure he's not a monster. He has his good days and his bad days, but it does get easier!)Â
Here's my question for you today:  How do you instill in your children the value of work, and what tips do you have for teaching gratitude  in your home? I could really use some today!  While I'm usually pretty proud of my kids because they do seem to “get” how blessed they are in the grand scheme of things, occasionally they too lose site of their blesssings, just like their momma. And this was definitely one of those days.
And, just for fun (although I'm afraid to ask!) . . . How much does the tooth fairy leave at your house these days?
The tooth fairy leaves one quarter and a note.
The only time we paid more than $1, was when the dentist wanted to pull one of my oldest’s baby teeth. It was going to cost us about $75 to have him do it. I told my daughter if she would pull it herself, I would give her $25. Within a couple of days, she pulled the tooth. I called that a win – win!
Long before the first tooth was lost, I went to the bank and got a roll of new $1 “gold” coins and have them hidden. The tooth fairy brings one shiny new coin per tooth. When my son first got one, he was so excited because it was a “gold coin. ” He studied it and marveled over it for quite a while. It was also a lesson in cultures to explain how other countries use money different from ours so why would “fairies” have access to all the countries’ different monies? They use their own, of course! (The roll of coins will not have ALL new, shiny coins. We showed him some tarnished ones and told him those were our coins from the tooth fairy from when we were kids and let him keep ours with his. He loved that!) Every now and then if he comes across one in public, he’ll turn to us excitedly and then acknowledge that someone spent their tooth fairy money. He, however, will not! He saves them as treasures. He is now seven, and he’s still so excited to get a new, shiny, special “gold coin.” ; )
Our oldest daughter just lost her first two teeth in December. She got $5.00 and a note from the tooth fairy for the first one and $1.00 for the other one. We will give $1.00 per tooth from now on for her. Our youngest daughter will get the same for her teeth when the time comes.
You are all cheap, heard of inflation? You can’t even buy quality gum for $1 these days! We give our 7 year old $7 (which will go to $8 when she has her birthday) and we sprinkle it with glitter/fairy dust. I’m not wealthy, but my child deserves more than a pittance.
We gave 4 quarters because in his mind that was more then a dollar bill. And as my son got older he was happy with what ever we gave him. I do like the idea of special coins.
My 7 year old gets a dollar for each tooth. He saves his money and when he wants something he offers to pay for it himself. If course I do not allow him to. I tell him that he needs to save more money because he doesn't have enough. But, when he helps me out with chores I'll go out a buy whatever it is that he wanted to be. He doesn't offer his money again after the purchase. He simply states that he'll save it for when mommy has no money. Now, I cannot say that for my 17 year old. He thinks that money grows in trees in the backyard. He works and uses my truck everyday to get to work but feels he shouldn't have to fill up my tank. Now this one drives me crazy. My 20 year old will help me through tuff time's. She use to help me with chores at one point but now, that's another story. My 25 year old works very hard and is so frugal that he will not help his own mother with a dime. I think every child is different and no matter how you raise them their personality is what determines their perception on the value if a dollar.
I try to keep things simpler than most other folks, I think. I started out with coins with my daughter and then gave a dollar for a large tooth, only. For my son, his first tooth got a glitter coated dollar and then simple toys. It seems like, around here, anyway, that most kids get a ridiculous amount of everything. I try to teach the kids that we all work together to make life work and you don't just get for nothing. They are pretty good about just being thankful for food, shelter and love and don't ask for much. Im not bragging, just saying that I have always tried to teach them that we are luckier than lots that don't eat every day and live in poverty. I hope you have a beautiful Mother's day with your loves.
Thank you for sharing Laura – sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job with your children!
Well call me crazy but we leave a quarter. And we don’t go crazy at Easter, either, 1 small toy. We have yet to be told it wasn’t enough. Instead the kids are thrilled just to get a token for the tooth. Great book the kids love, “Throw the tooth on the roof” is about other cultural customs. The USA, England and only a handful of other European countries give money. My kids loved the book and had lots of questions regarding consistency which made for interesting conversation. They seem to get that life is full of irregularities.
Well call me crazy but we leave a quarter. And we don’t go crazy at Easter, either, 1 small toy. We have yet to be told it wasn’t enough. Instead the kids are thrilled just to get a token for the tooth. Great book the kids love, “Throw the tooth on the roof” is about other cultural customs. The USA, England and only a handful of other European countries give money. My kids loved the book and had lots of questions regarding consistency which made for interesting conversation. They seem to get that life is full of irregularities. I figure it is better to keep the bar low rather than struggle with unrealistic expectations. Yes it is only the tooth fairy but starting with high standards do young will lead to problematic wants…like I want a new car, expensive clothes, electronics etc. My kids will know reward for their work, not just because they exist,
Lead by example, children will do what the parents do. As far as your daughter getting it and your son not, girls mature much faster than boys. My girl was working around the house since she was about 7. She wanted some bendaroos that were on TV. So I went and bought a bank and paid her for doing little chores around the house. She received 25 cents for every trash can she emptied, 50 cents to $1 for helping with laundry. Once she saved $19.95 plus shipping of $6 she gave me the money. What she didn't know was I already ordered them because I didn't want her to wait 6 weeks for delivery. She gave me the money I told her I would order them and it would take about 2 days. Since then,she got how to save and she is very good at it knowing what she wants and will wait to save for it. I started with very little money so she can appreciate it. She is now 13 and does bigger chores and loves getting the money. She of course makes more and I do give raises for a great job with a good attitude. She buys her own Christmas presents for her friends and family and she says it feels good. My boy on the other hand can't save any money as soo as he gets some he has to spend it. He sees his sister getting more things from her savings and he now is starting to get it a little. He would spend his money on chips or something small and I let him…reason… He needs to learn on his own that saving is good, if I force him he will but what happens when he grows up and doesn't want to save, he will then get into financial trouble like so many people. I don't want that for them.
Our children are grown now but this reminded me of the time our you gets was about 11. She happily came skipping into the living room, I asked her what's up. She said the tooth fairy left her $2 ( we always gave $1 up till then). I looked at my husband and he had a cute smile on his face. I asked why the tooth fairy would leave so much this time, was she delirious. My daughter piped up that it must be inflation and I laughed. It stayed at $2 for the remaining teeth.
Our kids have always been given a varying amount. The tooth fairy leaves some change and it always adds up to different amounts. It’s usually just over $1. That way the kids get to use their math skills and add up how much they got. Occasionally if the tooth fairy has forgotten to come several nights in a row and the child has had to resort to writing letters to the tooth fairy, the amount may then be around $1.50. Since kids discuss this amongst their friends, I always try to be mindful that some families can’t afford much and thus I WILL NOT leave ridiculous amounts. The same goes for Christmas. Santa does not go overboard. He brings one present. If we want to spoil them, then the gifts are from mom and dad. I think it’s ridiculous when I hear what some kids get from Santa or the tooth fairy.
My daughters are 5 and 2. Every year before Christmas we fill a bag of "old toys" (really just toys that aren't played with anymore some even brand NEW!) and clothes and donate them before "Santa" comes. We explained to them that donating their "old toys" helps out other kids who don't have any. The girls go almost crazy to donate their toys…even their favorite ones. My 5 year old just this year put her favorite Barbie doll (which she cares for religiously…) in the tote and said "Mama if Barbie makes me happy, she will make another girl happy. I know she is my favorite but I want to make kids happy. They just have to take care of her okay?" It made me tear up.
As for the tooth fairy…our kids haven't started losing teeth yet. When I was a kid we received "notes" from the tooth fairy about how clean and nice our teeth were. So our goal was aimed at having extra clean teeth. We had little award ribbons from the tooth fairy for clean teeth…corny….but it worked.
Our 2 year old is still a little young to grasp the concept of this next part, but we do it every year at least once or twice.
We go to a soup kitchen and help with food/set up.
Our 5 year old LOVES helping. So she does napkins and cups and such. Being so young she asks loud…sometimes painful questions….on why everyone looks "dirty" or sad. We explain as best we can that they don't have a home to live in and the shelter is a place to help them. She wants to help SO MUCH MORE then. She tells people they are pretty and that they can have her jacket if they want. It reminds her of how blessed her Mama and Daddy are to have good jobs and a good home.
My daughter is 22 now. But I always let the tooth fairy leave unusual money too, silver dollar, 2dollar bill, foreign coins etc. I think she still has all of her tooth fairy money. I still have all of her missing teeth too.. 🙂
I don’t have children of my own, but I babysat for 2 children whose parents gave them each a bank with 3 sections to it. !. save, 2. spend and 3. church offering. So when they were given $ for any reason. They had to divide it by 3. Their first tooth they got $2.00 from the tooth fairy, their other teeth $1.00. But their grandparents gave them $$$ for them losing teeth. They were excited about that.
$2 per tooth. My kids are 14, 13, and 5.
Thanks for sharing Beth!
I always gave unusual or interesting coins so they were never for spending. Never had a complaint.
Well said Kailin!!!!!! I believe gratitude comes in many ways; not just in the form of material things. Some of the most ungrateful people on the planet are the poorest people on the planet. When I feel my 6 yr old son is being ungrateful I make it a point to show him how well he has it. For example, one day I saw a family walking in the rain with grocery bags. I pointed out that they probably didn’t own a car or theirs was broken and they had to walk in the rain just to go buy food for dinner. That remark usually strikes a pretty good 10-20 min conversation with my son that otherwise would of been spent listening to the radio. Plus you might be surprised later that day with a, “I’m glad we have a car.” & “I hope those people made it home OK.”
It looks like we are in the minority here . . . but we leave our kids 50 cents a tooth (one dollar for the very first tooth lost though). We have found that our kids don’t quite understand the value of money quite yet, so 50 cents is almost just as good as a dollar. Of course I’m talking about our 6-7 year olds, I can see how this would be an issue with an 11 year old boy.
One question for thought though – If a child isn’t satisfied with one dollar from the toothfairy where is this dissatisfaction coming from? Does it come from comparing with other kids at school? Does it come from pre-taught notions of money from the parents? Does it come from notions and attitudes from the T.V.? These questions are not to point the finger at anyone, but just questions to ask to help us better deal with the problem as parents.
That’s a great question and good point Melissia. My five and even nine year old would be THRILLED with a dollar . . . and it’s only been the last year or so that my oldest has changed. I think a lot of it comes from comparison with friends ~ we live in a fairly affluent area, and many of the kids that my son knows have families who choose to do things differently than we do. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve set him up for failure, because all he sees around him are people who have abundance. I was thinking this week that I need to come up with an activity this summer where we can go and help others outside of our community, because he does need to realize how very much he has, and while we talk about it (a LOT!) he just doesn’t seem to get it.
You have not set him up for failure, Laurie, you have set him up for reality! And trust me, what he sees from you in the way you give and handle your finances in your family will help him succeed far more than what he sees from the outside of the families in your area who aren’t handling money the way you are. You are teaching him to live in God’s economy, and that is so much better than teaching him to live in man’s economy.
Keep doing what your doing!
Great point – At some point all of our kids are going to have different and negative thougts and attitudes from outside sources. Our job as parents is not necessarily to shield them from that (although I want to at times!), but to help them properly process and respond to these influences. It’s much better to deal with these things at age 11 than at age 21!
I’m 21 and don’t have kids but when my parents were doing this I always got a silver dollar (dollar coin). My brother and i always thought these were really cool and although it was only a dollar it was unique since it wasn’t just a dollar bill. When I had two teeth pulled i got a two dollar bill. Again, something unique but not breaking the bank.
Thanks so much for sharing Bridgette!
We always gave $2 for the very first tooth and it’s been $1 ever since. It is important to me that my kids not expect something for nothing just because they think they deserve it. They have been raised to know that nobody owes them anything and they have to work for what they get. They are going to summer camp this year for the first time (if I can let them go for a whole week!!) and our church is giving them scholarships but before they get that scholarship money, they are helping to raise some of it with bake sales, garage sales, and bottle drives – it costs several hundred dollars to go to camp and they are going to appreciate how they get there. They will also write thank you notes to those that helped them.
$1 per tooth at our house too!
$1 is plenty!! I don’t understand paying any more than that. It’s not like they had to do anything to get it. It’s a freebie and that’s all. I would not confuse money from the tooth fairy with rewards for hard work. I don’t give an allowance either. You work for your money or you don’t get it. I provide the necessities to live and what else you get is on you. Also, I would never spend $6 for a cup of coffee, just sayin’. I have a 15 year old who appreciates what she has, gets all she needs, works for extras, makes straight A’s and loves her family. I guess she didn’g get the $5 per tooth memo.
We sometimes leave a dollar amount, sometimes we leave special coins instead like Susan B’s or foreign currency, etc. Never the same so there isn’t a “precedent” as to what they should get each time. As for strong work ethic and gratitude, we practice these traits at home, but there’s nothing better than team sports/team activities to teach accountability. When they learn that if they don’t give their best the others around them suffer, they learn to give their best as well as learn that responsibility can be very rewarding….and I don’t mean participation trophies 🙂
One dollar per tooth at our house. And that thrills my kids (ages 7 and 5) to pieces! I do struggle with ways to help them earn money because I think that helping around the house is part of being a family, so having the tooth fairy leave more could be an option, I guess!
As for gratitude, I think it’s partly inborn, partly nurtured. As in all parenting, I believe in trying to be a good model (easier said than done some days!!!). We also try not to spoil our kids. Of course they get treats here and there, but because they aren’t use to them whenever they want, they are genuinely appreciative when they get them. Even the super small stuff like splitting a Sprite sends them head over heels!
We were so careful in our children’s early years not to spoil them, but I think as our finances have changed (and spoiling has become a little easier…), we do end up just giving them too much. I remember when my son was young and we were on a very limited budget, a HUGE reward was $1 sundaes at McDonald’s. A few months ago, my youngest (at the same age) earned a reward and it was Sweet CeCe’s (which cost us over $20 – that’s just crazy!)
We need to remember to scale back, and especially that just because other kids are given so much doesn’t mean ours have to have it all to (whether we can afford it or not…. because really, it’s all just stuff that will go away quickly!) Thanks for the reminder Jennifer… I needed that! 🙂
What happened to the days of a quarter. Yes, times have changed, but what are we actually teaching our kids if we pay $5.00 for a tooth. Just my opinion. I can’t imagine what the Easter Bunny leaves or even so Santa. My grandchildren too get a $1.00 and no more for a tooth. Just wait to there kids have teeth that fall out. What will it be $25.00???
At the risk of being hated on, I’ll admit that we leave $5.00 per tooth too. Our boys work around here and work hard! They don’t get an allowance because Momma doesn’t get an allowance either. We try to be very real-world around here, but you know what? Getting a $5 bill under their pillow is a big treat for my kids! They get to go to the Dollar Tree and use their own money to pick out four things. (After subtracting their tithe and the tax on their goodies.) I don’t ever give them money to spend, nor do I buy every little thing at Wal-Mart. Tooth fairy money is pretty much it for my kids, and I’m getting off pretty cheap in the grand scheme of things. And something else that will make the folks on here who were indignant that someone would give more than pocket lint want to croak? Every first tooth in this house gets a $20 bill. Gasp! Same reasoning as the $5.00 teeth, except for the fact that the first tooth is huge to us. You’re losing teeth, you’re growing up, and you get to have enough money to go buy a big toy or a new DVD or just do something fun to celebrate the newness of it all. And no, we don’t have money coming out of every orifice; my husband is a pastor and high school teacher, and I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling momma. We just make it happen.
Thank you for your honesty Valerie! While my husband would probably die if I gave them $5 each, we’re all in different places and all too often they get “extra” things that make up for the $1 tooth fairy. 😉 And I do think celebrating special milestones is something your kiddos will remember ~ so what works for your family is just perfect for them!
Wow. I am amazed at how much people spend on their kids. We usually leave a quarter or maybe a quarter and a dime if we forget the first night. It’s so exciting to our son to get two coins. I know we have never left more than 50 cents. I want my children to appreciate everything they have so we are very careful not to spoil them. Every penny they earn from chores is saved in piggy banks and then deposited in the bank. Our oldest did spend $5 or $6 at the book fair this year. I paid half for a book of his choice and he paid the other half. We are also on a tight budget until my husband finishes writing his dissertation (so close to being done) and gets a job other than being a graduate teaching assistant. I expect that we will still be very frugal though since we have been living on so little for 7 years now and are used to it.
Oops! I put the wrong amount for the dentist in my last comment.My daughter gets $1 if someone else pulls it, $2 if she pulls it herself, and $5 if the dentist has to numb her up and pull it.
I always left mine $1 per tooth but they are 18 and 15 now. I also have a 20 month old and I have no idea how we will do it with him.
My daughter gets $1 if someone else pulls it, $2 if she pulls it herself, and $3 if the dentist has to numb her up and pull it.
I guess I must be the minority with your husband because we leave $1 per tooth but my girls are only 7 so that seems to make them happy. I struggle with the gratitude thing daily, but then I remind myself that I was probably not a very grateful or hard working kid, that came to me as I got older. Same thing about complaining. I think I complained much more as a child than I do now. I just try to remind them to be thankful for what they have and to involve them when we give or do things for others.
My daughters are ages 9 and 3. When my oldest lost her first tooth we went a bit overboard leaving her $20, a new barbie, coloring book, crayons, new tooth brush and new tooth paste. As the years have progressed we’ve usually left at least $5 per tooth. I look at it this way, if I can spend $6 on a coffee for myself I can skip that coffee and leave that money from the tooth fairy instead. My oldest is pretty good about understanding the value of money, my youngest one not so much yet.